Addiction may seem like a topic that is too heavy to discuss with a child, but it can be necessary to help them understand the world around them. This is particularly true if they have witnessed someone struggling with addiction or their life has been impacted by the substance use of a loved one. At Safe Harbor Recovery Center in Portsmouth, Virginia, we know how important it is for children to have accurate, age-appropriate information about substance misuse.
Tools for the Talk
Though it can feel very isolating and lonely, when someone in your family is struggling with substance misuse, you’re not alone. Other people have been and currently are in your shoes. Some of the tools that are available to help you through this process include:
- Sesame Workshop has an activity book and talking points that help adults discuss addiction with young children.
- National Association for Children of Addiction (NACoA) offers resources for families, with a page specifically for teenagers with a parent who has struggled with substance misuse. They recommend using the Seven Cs to have conversations with children whose parents have dealt with addiction:
- Cause – Children often blame themselves for a parent’s addiction. They need to hear that they are not the cause of their parents’ struggles.
- Cure – Kids must understand that they are not responsible for fixing their parents’ addiction.
- Control – They should be reassured that they are not in control of the situation and are not expected to be.
- Care – Self-care is important. Encouraging children to talk about their feelings (Communicating), make healthy decisions (Choices), and recognize their own strengths (Celebrating) can help them cope.
- Scholastic has a list of books that can help children understand addiction and feel less alone if they have a parent who has misused substances. Some examples of books in this category include:
- Daddy Doesn’t Have to Be a Giant Anymore (Ages 7-9)
- The Dragon Who Lives at Our House (Ages 8-10)
- Sunny Side Up – A graphic novel for teens
- An Elephant in the Living Room (Ages 9-12)
- Recovery Road – A novel for teenagers
- Hey, Kiddo – A memoir for teens
- Shatterproof also has a list of recommended books to help children increase their understanding of substance use disorders. Some titles they suggest include:
- Ages 3-5: I Want More – How to Know When I’ve Had Enough, Where Did Mommy Go?, Timbi Talks About Addiction
- Ages 6-8: Jumper, A Sickness You Can’t See, Zeeko, My Brother Is Not a Monster: A Story of Addiction and Recovery
- Ages 9-12: High, Louis Undercover, Moon Pie
- Teenagers: Buzz to Buzzkill, What’s the Big Deal About Addictions, Invisible Girl
Available Support Groups
The person who is fighting addiction is not the only one in the family who needs and deserves support. There are also groups for the people who love them:
- SMART Recovery Family & Friends offers online support groups for the loved ones of people who have dealt with addiction.
- Al-Anon Family Groups has online tools and support groups for families and adolescents.
- Learn to Cope offers meetings in English and Spanish.
- Grief Recovery After Substance Passing (GRASP) offers grief resources for families who have lost a loved one as a result of substance use or addiction.
Teaching Children Coping Skills
One of the reasons that people turn to substances is as a means to cope with challenges they experience in life. To help children break free of the cycle of addiction, it is important to teach them better ways to cope with difficulties that may come their way. This can include things like:
- Talking to a trusted adult or same-age friend
- Journaling
- Having hobbies that help them de-stress
- Keeping a list of emergency numbers they can reach out to for help, such as the 988 Crisis Lifeline, emergency services, relatives who have helped in the past, a neighbor, or teachers.
- Having a list of safe places where they can go if they need a break from home, such as a friend’s house, the local library, school, or a nearby park.
At Safe Harbor Recovery Center, we know that recovery is possible and that unhealthy family cycles can be broken. By healing the next generation and helping them to understand addiction before they reach adulthood, it is possible to help children make choices that don’t result in substance misuse in the future.