Accountability is a word that you hear a lot in recovery, so it is important to know what it means and how it applies to you. At Safe Harbor Recovery Center in Portsmouth, Virginia, we want our patients to learn more than the language of recovery, but also the lifestyle changes that recovery requires for long-term sustainability.
What Accountability Is Not
Accountability does not mean carrying around shame for the rest of your life and feeling like a horrible person. Shame makes people feel bad or less worthy as a result of their mistakes. It’s far more intense than recognizing one’s guilt and making amends. Shame can actually undermine recovery.
Shame can lead people to:
- Lie about use
- Conceal worries about relapse
- Deceive people into giving them money they want to use to purchase drugs or alcohol
- Isolate themselves from the people who care about them and could help them get treatment
What Accountability Is
Accountability is choosing to be honest and accept responsibility for the things you did in the past and the choices you make in the future. Sometimes, this could lead to feelings of guilt, due to negative choices and results, but recovery means owning and learning from the guilt, to facilitate change, and then doing better, not becoming paralyzed by it. Accountability also means owning your growth and the positive results of your good choices, so it’s not always a painful or sad experience to be accountable.
What Accountability Looks Like
A person who is taking accountability will look different from a person who isn’t holding themselves responsible for their choices. An accountable person will:
Show up for therapy sessions
- Be open to feedback from other people
- Learn about their relapse triggers
- Work to diversify and strengthen their coping skills
- Carefully reflect on things they hear and experience
Attend recovery meetings like AA, NA, SMART Recovery, Celebrate Recovery, Life Ring, etc.
- Call their sponsor or another accountability partner regularly to check in
- Work to strengthen and grow their sober support system
- Utilize their support system in tough times
- Make amends for past mistakes, by not just apologizing, but also doing whatever they can to rectify the situation
- Share their story with others and give back to the recovery community
- Be more focused on themselves and what they should be doing than they are on other people and what they should be doing
- Recognize that just getting sober isn’t the same as being in recovery
- Model accountability in their daily life
Follow through with their commitments – no matter how big or how small
- Recognize that feeling guilty requires them to apologize and change harmful behaviors they might still be doing
- Tell the truth, even when it could carry negative consequences
- Hold and respect boundaries
- Be afraid sometimes, but find the bravery to keep moving forward
- Celebrate their successes
- Take responsibility for their own choices instead of blaming other people
Show themselves compassion by
- Shutting down negative self-talk
- Treating themselves with the same kindness they would show a friend
- Allowing themselves to be imperfect
- Allowing themselves to feel all emotions without judgment and not forcing toxic positivity on themselves
- Prioritizing self-care, such as rest, exercise, spirituality, nutrition, and human connection
Why Accountability Matters
When a person is accountable:
- They reap more benefits from treatment
- Their relationships grow stronger because people know they can trust them
- They recognize that dishonesty keeps us sick and honesty helps us heal
- They make better decisions
- They have more control over their own lives
- Their self-esteem improves
- They bounce back from setbacks more quickly, including relapse – instead of losing time by denying they had a slip, they admit it and handle it right away, so they can get back on track faster
At Safe Harbor Recovery Center, we know that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes and have bad days. Our goal is to help our clients become their best selves and to learn how to manage the turbulent times they might experience by giving them the tools to live a life free from substances and full of choices.