If you find yourself looking back on past choices and beating yourself up for your mistakes or even judging yourself harshly for what you believe you “should” be doing today, you might be struggling with self-compassion. At Safe Harbor Recovery Center, in Portsmouth, Virginia, we want you to understand the importance of treating yourself with kindness.
Why People in Recovery Should Engage in Self-Compassion
There is a belief some people hold that anyone who struggled with addiction needs to be treated harshly, even by themselves, as a form of punishment or as proof that they are accepting accountability. When addiction is seen only as bad behavior or irresponsibility, on a surface level, punishment might seem to make sense. When explored at a deeper level, however, this argument falls apart. The underlying causes of addiction have significant overlap with the causes of mental illness, which include:
- Trauma, such as abuse, neglect, natural disasters, sudden loss of a loved one, combat exposure, or separation from family
- Isolation
- Genetic predisposition
- Stress
We shouldn’t punish people for hurting or having a genetic predisposition outside their control. If we don’t see addiction as a moral failing, character defect, or bad behavior, but instead recognize it as a sign of someone who is struggling or as a biologically based disease, then we can understand why guilt and shame might make it harder for people to get sober and actually increase a person’s risk of relapse.
Through this lens of compassion, we can start to see how preventing trauma and isolation and teaching people to manage stress are far more helpful ways to navigate addiction. It also becomes clear that being kind to oneself and extending grace isn’t mutually exclusive with taking responsibility for one’s choices.
Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
If you have never been taught how to treat yourself with kindness, it’s probably going to feel a little uncomfortable and awkward at first, but it will become more natural over time. Some ways you can get started include:
Combating negative self-talk with:
- Mindfulness to question the validity of mean things you say to yourself, reframe perceived failures as learning opportunities, and when you find yourself dwelling on something negative, move on to solutions.
- Reminders that everyone makes mistakes and you’re doing your best.
- Preparation for stressful events that are coming up through pep talks and extra self-care
- Praise for a job well done.
- Reflecting on how far you have come from where you once were.
Recognizing that you don’t need to earn the right to have your needs met.
- You deserve rest and sleep. Insomnia is common in early recovery, but it tends to get better over time and with good sleep hygiene.
- You deserve healthy food and hydration. You may have nutritional deficiencies from the time when you were in active addiction, and addressing those will make it easier for you to stay on track with your recovery.
- You deserve to have hobbies and interests.
- You deserve the opportunity to disconnect from screens.
- You deserve fresh air and time outside.
- You deserve human connection. Recovery meetings, time with family and friends, therapy, and volunteer opportunities are all ways to connect with others.
- You deserve support for your medical, mental health, and recovery needs.
Allowing yourself to experience your emotions without judgement.
- It is not bad or wrong to feel anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, etc.
- The way you feel does not dictate your actions.
- You are allowed to take space to feel your emotions before you decide how to respond.
Learning to forgive yourself.
- When you were in active addiction, you probably did some things you now regret and would not want to repeat in the future.
- Spend some time discussing with a therapist, your sponsor, or another trusted person what you feel you need forgiveness for and how you plan to rectify what occurred.
Recognizing internalized stigma, which may look like:
- Seeing yourself as a bad person for experiencing addiction.
- Treating setbacks as failures.
- Feeling incapable of change.
- Believing you don’t deserve help.
At Safe Harbor Recovery Center, we provide compassionate care without judgment, and we know that your past does not dictate your future. If you’re ready to begin your recovery journey, we are here to help.